Why did you leave me? Was I not good enough?
There’s still a lot about you leaving I don’t understand,
Starting with the fact that it still feels like
Someone punched a hole right through my chest.
Every time I hear your name
I spend hours pushing you back out of my head,
But you still creep your way back
The moment I close my eyes at night.
I saw a picture of the two of you today,
And my blood ran cold while my eyes traced the lines
Of your smile;
Every ounce of me screamed.
It should have been me with you.
A friend told me that she worships the ground you walk on;
I guess it makes sense since I never did.
You were never the hero of our relationship;
I was never dreamy smiles and admiration;
I was smudged eyeliner and brittle laughter
As I called you on your bullshit.
Maybe you wanted to be looked at like a king
When I just saw you as an equal.
I can’t separate the parts of me
That ache for your voice at all costs
From the ones that would quickly slam the door in your face.
So I’m stuck in pieces
And missing you
At the same time.